Morning Meanderings

Things are growing all around me. In my heart, the earliest light of the autumn morning seeps through my consciousness, out through my fingertips, and I'm alive.

I hear the hum of electricity coursing through everything in the class, through the thoughts of the people with whom I share forty hours weekly in these walls. And I'm thinking about a quiet place where my God leads me beside still waters and restores my soul. I want to bring the waters into this place, into this moment where everything feels nothing like lying down in green pastures.

My Walden might look different than Thoreau's, but can I live it somehow in the complicated here and now, can I go deeper into all that is to become more aware of all that I am, all that You are and all the glories of the promise that are whispered through the green things and the living things and the regularity of one sunrise after another after another. There will be an even greater Morning.

rule wid style n luv@vinny

Contradictory Me

Mostly stayed at home today, worked on some math, felt kinda left alone. Its been long since I've been satisfied with my work, but today I felt I did something productive. Bluesy...
Added a lot of people on Orkut and stuff, feeling quite social.
Gone out for coffee with a few pals, mostly goofed around, had a nice time.
Feeling alright. Let it roll, baby, roll...

PS: Feeling social and 'left alone'? To fill the void? God-dude knows; feels right, though.
PPS: Think people aren't perfect? Check out the profiles.

Author's Note:
Someone once asked me how good I was at math and I told him that my math skills can be summarised by clicking here. And I guess now you'll know how productive I actually am.


rule wid style n luv@vinny

...The next morning I woke up clammy with sweat. An unremembered nightmare floated just out of sight like wisps of poisonous fog. I was determined not to let myself start another long slide into despair like the one after the recent tumult of emotions.

Ah, depression is man's best state of mind yet. I began to think about the tricks my mind plays with my emotions. I had these psychological drugs which I might have used to blur reality. But then again, I didn't. I might as well face it all.

Being in motion helped. The water streaming down over me helped even more, the way it always did. I made myself a cup of coffee and started strolling by the lane to relish the world around me. The noises of the happy people, the dog-walkers, the gossipers.

Ironically, everyone, everything seemed exaggeratedly normal and placid, a subject for a latter day, urban city, a world apart from the agonies of family disorder, betrayal and violent death.

The sky was streaked with color, the sun a blood red balloon that hovered over the jagged edge of the cliffs until it was pierced by the silhouette tip of a smokestack and sank quickly from sight.

It was a consummation I had briefly wished for in the aftermath of all the tumult and turbulence - to sink quickly from sight. My world had been void. No life, no hope of reconciliation, nothing to work for. Odd that those circumstances had not made my own brief contemplation of suicide seem any the less sensible.

Now everything was different. Life, it seemed, was a territory of unexpected emotions. A territory where unforseen renewal walked hand in hand with grim irony.
For a long time, I didn't move, watching the colours leach from the sky and the lights twinkle on in the steel and glass monoliths across the street.

I realized that the background noises of happy people and dogs had disappeared. The sky was deep purple, pierced by the first stars. I looked around. The streetlights were on, no one in sight. I hurried up a flight of stone steps and came out into the territory which was more familiar to me.

When I woke up in the morning, daylight bringing me to foggy consciousness long before the alarm clock was ready to go off, the dream image in my mind was of the tumult and turbulence yet again.

In the shower, my mind cleared abruptly... I began thinking... Why is it so hard to be honest? Why is it so weird to be alive? Questions we'll never get answers for.


Until Next Time,

rule wid style n luv@vinny

Girl, Get A Life

Well, I don't exactly have a social life.
I don't hang out with friends a lot. When I work, I don't think of taking a holiday for some 15-20 days. When there is some real stress, only then I think of unwinding.

But then there is this ultimate question,
What to do in those times of rest and relaxation?
The standard list includes reading, blogging, watching TV, catching up with a movie, getting some sleep, or chat with some friends online, or best of all catch up with some more pending work.

And now it makes me wonder. I have not socialized that much. So much so, that even during our school friends reunion I was like a town kid looking in awe thinking, "God, when did life change so much on Planet Earth? Where was I at that time?"

One half of me wants to have that life...the life of all-night partying, hanging out with friends,...er...I ran out of things, so lets say etcetra. On the other hand, my other half wants to shy away from the stupid gossip or the routine chit chat. Nothing intelligent is talked about, niether any knowledge is shared. Then why waste time?

I find no sense in attending arbit parties just to 'hang out'. Discos and pubs were never my cup of tea, although they're the 'coolest' places to 'hang out'. But hey, majority of the junta has fun, so who am I to complain? But then again I feel there is something odd about such places. Everybody is a misfit trying to impress everybody else. There is no beauty there. No spontaneity. Everyone wants to show off how much they achieved. Hypocrisy barges in and settles all over the place.

But then I also believe there has to be balance, for a person to grow in stature. What I miss is probably a companion, with whom I could hang out with, talk about anything under the sun, or just sit quietly and pass the time.

Author's Note:
Abrupt end to the post due to non-continual flow of thoughts.

rule wid style n luv@vinny

Ain't Life Grand

Well, I'm back to my old cycle of staying up late, drinking chocolates and eating coffees. Don't feel like sleeping early.

Now it's 02:17, I'm sitting in this chair, thinking of something interesting to say, and I've just realized, I have nothing. NOTHING. My life is dreary-dull and has no definite purpose, much like a pregnant buffalo. I think I want chocolates. LOTS.

Other than that, nothing to complain about. No skin infections (at least none that are visible to the public eye), no fights with anyone. No pigs in my bedroom, no sir.

For the benefit of this entry, I'm posting a little poem I wrote long back, in the stone-age.

I sit and wonder how
I ever lived without him for all these years
He was the one who used to wipe away all my tears

Sang love songs to me by the riverside
Taught me to play the guitar sitting by my side

Pampered my hair and said he was intoxicated by its scent
Always gave me credit for the good times we spent

Marveled at my hazel eyes and said they were beautiful
Always urged me to smile so he could collect a handful

Looked longingly at my long legs
Said they looked better at night when he had a few pegs

Used to toy my long fingers playfully
Said he can never enjoy my beauty fully

Kissed my lips sweetly…Oh that was a sensual kiss
Which I’d forever miss

Coz he’s no more within my reach
Left me forever after that long night at the beach

Does God really play dice?
If yes, are we the ones who should pay the price?

And so here I sit and wonder
About what happened to those armies over yonder

Which swallowed my long lost Love
Because now I forgot the meaning of love
Coz’ he was the person who taught me how to live

I can never be whole again
Until God rolls his dice again

And takes me to that far-away land
Where my beloved can take my hand

He was the one who had always loved me with all his heart…

rule wid style n luv@vinny

Been There, Done This

I've spent one whole night awake after eons, and it's such a nice feeling! I feel intelligent, for some weird (and probably obnoxious) reason. I'd like to thank, in no particular order:

Douglas Adams
Chick Corea
Jaco Pastorius
Radiohead
Eric Cartman

By the way, I'm planning to apply for a few Amreeki Colleges, maybe I'll get something there... I hope.

Other than that, it's been a while since I've updated this page, so here's whats new.

1. I'm still mental.

2. I still Hate HIGs.

3. I got an Apple's Anthro PC and (s)he is named WINSLOW.

4. I am absolutely TRIPPING on jazz. I think it's awesome that God made blacks (and of course, us brownies, too... is good for the weed business).

5. Um, weed is still a problem, but it's okay; I plan on cashing in at around 5:30 in the evening on the 21st of November, 2020. I have it all worked out... right after the last episode of The Simpsons.

Yup, that's it. I shall post my new posts in this very space for anyone who might be tuned in to them airwaves from this wonderful land of rainbows and locally made outsourcable fjords. Dunno how many of 'em actually check the blogs, but what the hell.

rule wid style n luv@vinny

Christ Almighty, What Was That Smell?

That smell, my friends is high school. The smell of perfume for girls, and AXE or TAG for the boys' respectively. I'm not too fond of the 'over spraying' of perfume or cologne to begin with, but it seems someone has implanted the idea that 'more' is better in my generation.

When I get to school in the morning I immediately smell the suffocation that lurks in the numerous crap body sprays everyone uses. It's horrible, trust me. How do companies come up with the name for these things? Girls perfume is easy to figure out; it is almost always named after the smell it resembles. Boy’s cologne and sprays are a mystery for me.

AXE and TAG, what exactly is implied by these names? Well, I have no clue. Could it be called AXE because when you wear it you'll be axing away at girls pants? Doubtful! Is TAG called TAG because you'll be tagging everyone you meet? Even more doubtful! All of this leads to a logical outcome,

"What morons get paid to come up with these totally unrelated names for things?" I would like to know...


rule wid style n luv@vinny

Lorem Ipsum

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You know that text you see that they use for filler everywhere on webpages and the like? It looks like Latin, but, even if you've taken Latin, you can only recognize bits and pieces? Well, it actually has a history and is not just a random bit of knowledge floating around in some sort of Jungian graphic designer world conscience.

Apparently, it was known as "greeking in" to fill spaces because it was spaced in such a way that it looked like English, but it wasn't. This text has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since some printer in the 1500s took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book; it has survived not only four centuries of letter-by-letter resetting but even the leap into electronic typesetting, essentially unchanged." So much for the transitory nature of content in the information age.

But come on, you think graphic arts supply houses were hiring classics scholars in the 1960s? Well, maybe they were. But it's easier to believe that someone at Letraset simply copied the text from an old hot-type source. We're now faced with the mere technical detail of figuring out which one.

By the way, all of this information has been shoplifted from the Constance Wistful Blog which, in turn, shoplifted it from The Straight Dope . Check it out- it's really rather interesting.

rule wid style n luv@vinny

Perceptions Change

Based on whatever I perceived about life so far, I believed in this - A Bad Worker ALWAYS Blames His Tools.

Used to shun people who claimed they couldn't achieve their goals cuz the 'situations' weren't favourable. Always used to think that a WILL of iron has the power to change things. And respected the sanctity of hardwork (Ofcourse, I worked like a dog...a slave to the clock toiling away on the nth floor of some steel and glass monolith while most people around me were leading normal lives, and thinking I had the world by tail, blinded by an illusory version of success).

I sermonized people that letting go off your ambition in life so easily means letting go off the person that you are; the thought process that you developed all this while. After all, it is who you are, it is what you want in life.

But then again as reality dawned upon me, I grudgingly admitted facts. A will of iron can't materialize resources out of the blue. Working round the clock doesn't help you change the world. Dreams, if any, out of the scope of your present condition aren't meant to be fulfilled. VERY few people are now doing what they wanted to do earlier. I can't help but admit these facts. I can't change reality. I don't know black magic, no sir.

I think the best way to go about this is to look at the brighter side of the dark.
And when I did, I realized... everything happens for a reason... every event has a purpose and every setback its lesson.

I have realized that failure, whether of the personal, professional or even spiritual kind, is essential to personal expansion. It brings inner growth and a host of psychic rewards. I say, never regret your past. Rather embrace it as the teacher that it is.

Even the philosopher turned mathematician Alfred Lord Whitehead spoke on similar lines... He said that great dreams are essential for an individual to grow, to aim for the skies, to progress, to better himself. But then great dreamers' dreams are never fulfilled. They are just transcended.

Maybe, one's destiny unfolds according to the choices one makes. And now I tend to shed my shackles of reason and place my trust upon intuition. I think it all fits when we do not try to apply logic here. Logic is essential, but its not the only way to figure out things.

Well, what can I say? That bitch, my friend, is life.

Author's Note:
This is the result of some stray thoughts that hit me while I was in one of my jobless moments. If nothing made sense to you, don't bother. You'll get used to the feeling when you experience a lot more such stuff in the days to come.


rule wid style n luv@vinny

H-I-G

A hate post long overdue. Goddamned pretentious scalawags of this Earth. A plethora of random, obscurely connected half baked ideas suddenly pop up and run free in my head when I try to think about them.

Firstly, here's Nietzsche's argument:
Monkey->Ape->Man::Ape->Man->Superman OR Ape:Man::Man:Superman

Secondly, their attitude is a glaring example of the kind of uncultured baseless remarks made by the precise kind of jobless idiots who've overrun the world and brought to a grinding halt, man's well deserved evolutionary progression midway between the ape and the superman. (The fact that so many of their ilk still exist merely strengthens my point that man won't be a respected ancestor, but an apish boor, in the eyes of our distant succesors, the superhumans)

Why? Why do they have to belittle others to make their day? Some sort of nagging insecurities? The result of brutal childhood molestation? Nah childhood molestation ain't as common as them . Maybe an inferiority complex then. But if that's the case, How can they go around strutting their lowly passions (like some gay music/some belly dance) and showering copious doses of haughty disdain on everyone who doesn't confirm to their popular, yet hazardously tawdry standards of what's 'COOL' and what's not?

Still unanswered...Why? Is it extreme theomania? That they harbour some misplaced notions of being on a Godsent mission to rid the world of fun in the lives of the likes of me and you? Or better still... maybe they think that they're the best thing that ever happened to the people around them.

Too many incompetent jobless fools ruining whatever evolution we had managed since the dark ages... Mongoloid retards who need a truly great messiah to beat some sense into their stupid asses, probably by beating the shit out of their useless heads. Evolution by elimination is the one natural axiom that we humans have tried to defeat.... but in the process, the risk of both an increased rate of R-Rated abuses on Net, and a slow down in our evolutionary speed has turned into a brutally true reality, and obviously the HIG's don't give a shit... they're worse than your average club wielding chimpanzee (A rather harsh insult to the chimpanzee I fear)
In other words , a massive purge is long due. But frankly, I'm dejected that I can't do a thing about it.

Well, the problem is, that these presumptuous quidnuncs in my college outnumber the people who actually deserve to live. Some of us really don't have the time to put up with an attention seeking pithecanthropic retard. But nooo... they HAVE to barge into our sangfroid existance, mouth their pathetic anecdotes, flash their pathetic smiles and leave no stone unturned to make sure that we're as pissed off as the American Chief of army staff after a surprise wedgie from an Iraqi secret agent!

They can't help jutting their noses into other's affairs. They expect some kind of... favour (or attention?)... just because they are who they are! They sure do need a favour... A darn 12 gauge tactical shotgun up their ass.


rule wid style n luv@vinny

PS: For the uninitiated: HIG = High IQ Guy